Taylor Lautner Fans Will Lust After Him Forever (PHOTO)

Gay Or Not, Taylor Lautner Fans Will Lust After Him Forever (PHOTO) -  Another Taylor Lautner gay rumor! This weekend a fake People magazine cover shoved Taylor out of the closet -- yet again. "OUT AND PROUD" the cover screamed. "Tired of rumors, the Twilight star opens up about his decision to finally come out." The cover was Tweeted far and wide this Christmas (and a Merry Merry to you, Mr. Lautner) before it was revealed as a fake.

Meanwhile, Taylor's female fans the world over wailed in mourning at the thought that Pecks of Wonder was not playing for their team after all. Oh wait. NO THEY WEREN'T. Why? Because Taylor Lautner's fans couldn't give a Christmas figgy pudding whether he's gay or not.

I mean really. Who among us truly thinks we have achance to "make it" with Taylor Lautner anyway? Like we're all thinking, "Gosh darn it, he's gay! Guess I'm not going on that dream date/one night stand I was hoping for after all!" "Oh shoot, and we would have made suchbeautiful children together." "Well shucks, there goes that friends-with-benefits relationship I was really counting on in 2012. Strike that New Year's resolution off the list!"

Please. For us mortals, Taylor Lautner exists purely in the realm of fantasy. Does it really matter if he's hot for women, men, or inflatable sex dolls? He's never going to be hot for me. And he's never going to be hot for you. (Hey, you're beautiful, really, I'm just being realistic here.) We all know this. What matters is that when he's onscreen he radiates blazing sex waves that melt your brains. That's all any of us really want out of Taylor.

So hey, Mr. Lautner, if you swing the other way and are just not quite ready to tell us all, that's fine. Or if you decide to steal Eva Mendes away from Ryan Gosling, go for it. For all I know, you may just be a robot created by Disney and the late Steve Jobs. Regardless, it doesn't matter. Really, I promise.